Knowing All About a Vortex 10

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Remember the medicine-head commerical where the red balloon floats high above the decapitated cartoon character body? That's so me today. But since I'm a glass-half-full kind of gal, what's better than an alternate-state reality to concoct a Vortex 10? Today's topic: the 2009 release Knowing starring Nicholas Cage.

Ten Ways the Movie Knowing Would Have Been Tolerable on a Nyquil-Induced High:

1. The black duster-clad alien/human hybrids might have broken into a fog-laden rendition of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus", giving them an entertaining value beyond belching a light storm from their mouths.

2. The numerical sequence the protagonist triest to decode might have resembled the optimistic spreadsheet of Harry Potter-like sales from my debut release.

3. Rose Byrne's hysterical portrayal of a worried mother might have been more drama-hysterical and less ha-ha hysterical.

4. The black pebbles could have led me back from the abyss of schitzophrenic genre. As they stood, they were a mere metaphor for the ka-ka that was the ending.

5. I could have imagined a different, better plot in the protagonist's house that looked more like a Disney soundstage than a real residence.

6. The sunspot could have lit a fire under me to want to go past 1 hour and 40 minutes on my DVD counter.

7. I could have pretended the symbolic tree at the end was my happy place instead of the heavy-handed religious propaganda that made virtually no sense given the character's set up.

8. It might have made sense that a mother would leave two hunted children unattended in a car during a pre-apocalyptic bedlam.

9. Nicholas Cage might have morphed into someone who less-resembled the guy who rotated my tires last week.

10. My laughter during the scene where Nicholas Cage runs out to fight the Depeche Mode guys, strikes a bat against a tree and screams, "You want some of this?" might have eclipsed the next, oh say, seven scenes.

Okay, so I was harsh. I really, really wanted to like this movie. It contains a time capsule for the love of Pete! The woo-woo factor (minus the alien thing) is so completely up my alley, but in the end, it didn't hold together.

What's the latest I-just-shaved-two-hours-off-my-life film-stinker you watched?

7 comments on “Knowing All About a Vortex 10”

  1. Yeah, Nic's been a lot more on the miss side of hit-and-miss lately. Sad.

    As far as stinkers go, the last one I can remember virulently disliking was 'Knocked Up' which could have been a sweet and funny movie, but threw too much in just for the gross-out factor. (And I like Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl, too.) Led me to a good lesson--just because you can put something in a story doesn't mean you have to.

  2. I didn't see this movie, but I heard it was pretty awful. Gosh, I don't think I've seen a stinker of a movie in a while. And that's probably because I don't see as many movies as I'd like. When I do go, I'm pretty choosy.

  3. Sooo... you're not keen on it then?

    Knocked Up WAS appalling as Pamela said. I only watched it for about 20 minutes in the hope that it would improve. The Happening was another disappointment.

  4. This movie made me angry. It could have been a great film, and instead it imploded with plot twists that were stupidly stupid. That being said, I am recommending it to everyone...and I am recommending it on blu-ray. Not because it is a decent film, no..but because of the effects. These are astonishing pieces. I never believe the special effects can redeem a bad film, but this time it comes close.

    For those who haven't seen, there is a plane crash that is jaw dropping. Jaw dropping. When the crashing aircraft comes zooming in over the cars waiting on the expressway, cutting across the screen, you better not have a glass in your hand...because I guarantee a spill.

  5. @Charles - I saw NEXT, too. I think with these movies, they're trying to hit some kind of hybrid between action-hero and an M. Night movie.

    @Pamela - I'll be sure to steer clear of that one :O

    @Robin - I was sucked in by the woo-woo premise.

    @walkingman - my pleasure 🙂

    @Miladysa - maybe it'll make a worst movie list. This one sure might.

    @Stewart - I *do* have to agree with you...the plane scene had me holding my breath, if not for the sheer realism, than for the disturbing images. I can't remember what line of dialogue Cage's character uttered while walking through the destuction, but I remember thinking how absurd it was for him to say that to a plane crash victim.

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